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Dark Ridge Reporter - December Edition

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Dark Ridge Reporter - December Edition

Post by Admin on Fri Dec 12, 2014 6:46 pm

HEADLINE: DARK RIDGE'S FAMOUS SANTA RETURNS TO OAKWOOD MALL

Ho, Ho, Ho – It's that time of year again, and the most famous Santa in the south has returned to Dark Ridge's own Oakwood mall! Santa Claus will be at Oakwood Mall starting on December 10th from 7pm-Midnight! Oakwood Mall is the perfect place to share your holiday wish list. So pack up the little ones and head on out to Oakwood Mall to share all the joy of the holidays. Visit Santa at your convenience. No appointment necessary! Share your holiday wishes with Santa and purchase great gift packages and other holiday merchandise. Presented by Colorvision and Country Inn & Suites. Treats provided by Peeps & Company.

Visit with Santa in an intimate setting! For busy families, you can schedule an appointment to visit Santa in a special private meeting! Appointments will be available daily from December 10 - December 24 and will be located on Level 1, near Macy’s.  



Interview (And Movie) With a Real-Life Vampire

I am watching a vampire movie -- with a real-life vampire. So is the rest of the audience the Dark Ridge Theater although none of them knows it.
Like Edward Cullen, Bill Compton and little Claudia in "Interview with a Vampire," the vampires we watch in the film "Only Lovers Left Alive" aren't real. But thousands of people nationwide identify as the real deal, including at least three dozen other locals and the young man with whom I'm sharing a box of Hot Tamales.
That's what brought me here to begin with. Not the candy. Self-proclaimed vampires.
The theater invited me to run a discussion about vampires after the film. I do not live as a vampire. But I met a handful of people who do several years ago when I wrote a story about this unusual subculture. While working on a story about the umpteenth "Twilight" film, I had accidentally stumbled across a Meet-Up group for North Carolina vampires. Not a vampire fan club. A group of people who practiced vampirism as a lifestyle -- a "condition," many called it.

That's where I met G, the now-19-year-old Dark Ridge vampire who asked to not use his last name, for the same reason he did not walk into the theater and loudly proclaim, "I am vampire!"

The misconceptions. The judgment.

That's what brought him here tonight. He wanted to refresh my memory, since the last time we talked in 2011.

“Why drink blood?”

I was preparing for the talk-back when I found about 40 pages of notes and chats that I had never used, from my original interview with G.

Me: What is your interest in vampires, and do you believe that vampires exist among us?
G: I have no wish at all to sound grandiose in my response to this, so I'm going to be as down-to-earth as possible. I am vampire, vampires exist and I know many others who share this condition.
Please for a moment forget all that comes to mind when you hear the "V" word. Definition is the key. A vampire has a physical need to take in life energies from an external source for his or her well being and personal health.

There was the answer to the question why, which Hollywood and even artistic flicks like "Only Lovers Left Alive" have all but avoided.

As G explained, many vampires believe all people have energy. Many martial artists, yogis, meditators and energy workers believe this, too. Some call it prana or chi. Only vampires believe they have a sort of energetic hole, or a leak in their energy supply, that leaves them depleted. And one way to fill that hole is with other people's life force. Vampires believe you can consume that needed energy through other people's blood, their energy field or even ambient energy in a room.

G: When I go too long without taking in more energy to make up for what I lose, it is not fun at all. My immune system will gradually get weaker, I feel lethargic and often get very bad headaches.

And blood is an "extremely potent source of human prana or vital energy," he explained.

For several months, he said he consensually consumed blood, from his girlfriend, and in a sterile way: carefully drawing blood out with a disposable razor blade. It gave him an energetic rush, he said, but he eventually stopped doing it.

Me: And you are not "made" a vampire? You are born one?
G: Correct. However, temporary vampires can be created. This is called a sympathetic vampire. It's not a condition anyone would want, though.
Me: I have 90 million questions for you.

He responded right away.

He said he'd meet me at the theater; he'd love to watch the movie. Plus, a lot had changed since we last talked.

“Hiding in plain sight”

G: People don't believe because they assume you are making a fantastic and wild claim, such as being undead and super powers, etc. It's hard to explain to someone who instantly gives you zero credibility because of Hollywood's portrayal of vampires. ... The vampire community is something literally hiding in plain sight.

I take the stage to answer questions -- suddenly feeling the pressure of trying to explain the beliefs of a group of people to whom I do not belong, with one of them sitting right in front of me -- and the concept of "hiding in plain sight" becomes literal.

If only they knew. Would they be curious? Condemning? Scared? Would he be able to explain his lifestyle better than me, in a way that would make more sense? Were there other vampires in the audience I didn't know about?

"This is just my interpretation of what I have been told," I disclaim. "An actual condition or not, people in our community live like this."

The audience is curious about the science of consuming blood, the health, the safety, the source of blood. We talk about energy-suckers; you know, those people who drain your energy when you're around them. Could they unknowingly be vampires? I wonder what G would say.

Then he raises his hand.

He does not answer. Instead, he asks.

"Can anybody take my energy? And how can I protect myself?" he asks.

Now I'm being interviewed, by the vampire.

But I can say that I left tonight with my energy -- and my jugular -- both in tact.

“Where is he now?”

Since I last talked to J, he says he now studies martial arts and bodywork, which have both taught him how to ground himself, increase awareness of his own energy, heal the "holes," and cultivate more energy through mutually beneficial practices. He says he loses less energy, so his vampire needs are not as strong.

"I'm at a state of peace. I've found a calmness and accepted that I'm more sensitive to energy than other people. I've accepted I have to be careful with my energy and how I affect others," he says.

He's careful to say this is not the story for every vampire. Some cannot change, and some do not want to, he says.

"Often, depleted energy states happen from imbalance, and if you can find the balance you won't feel as drained. But that's not an end all, be all. I don't want to discredit people who need to get energy from other people," he says. "Even for them, it's not about draining other people, but finding harmony and a way to manage your energy."




Strange Cravings: Woman who can't stop eating TOILET PAPER says ''I like to feel the texture in my mouth''

Jade Shill, 25, who developed the craving while pregnant, eats one roll a day and says "different brands taste different" A mum-of-five has revealed she eats an entire roll every day.

She first developed the bizarre snacking habit while she was expecting her youngest son Jadon. "Two months into the pregnancy, I started craving toilet roll. I still don't know why. I like the feeling of the texture in my mouth, rather than the taste. I like the dryness. My family tell me it isn't very good for me - but I can't help it."

Despite giving birth to her son more than 15 months ago, Jade still cannot tear herself away from the paper snack whenever nature calls. The full-time mum waits until she needs to go to the toilet and while there will eat a few sheets of toilet tissue in private. She chews and swallows one roll a day.

"While I was pregnant I went to the bathroom and looked at the toilet roll and thought 'I have to eat that' - I know it sounds silly. Today I try and hold off going to the bathroom because I know if I go I will eat the paper. I usually eat around eight pieces per visit - sometimes I go to the bathroom just to get some toilet roll.It does fill me up quite a bit. At first I used to eat a couple of squares at a time, but I keep eating more and more."

She said: "I try to hide it from my kids, if they spot me eating toilet roll they tell me off. If my daughter sees me she says, 'spit it out Mommy, spit it down the toilet'."




Satanist Arrested After Bodies Were Found

North Carolina Satanist has been arrested on suspected charges of the disappearances and deaths of two unidentified people buried on their property.

John Lawson, 34, and his wife Amber Birch were taken into custody by police after an investigation of their backyard led to the discovery of a shallow grave with skeletal remains.

The bodies belonged to Joshua Fredrick Weltzer, 37 and Tommy Dean Welch, found buried in shallow graves at the Lawson’s residence. The remains were then moved to the Dark Ridge Medical Center for further examination.

Lawson changed his name to Puzuzu Illa Algarad, after the Assyrian demon featured in the film The Exorcist. He claims that it was his mother, another Satanist, who had given him the demonic name puzuzu.

He has previous charges including assault and grand larceny as well as being an accessory after the fact in an involuntary manslaughter case in which he was aquitted.

A friend of his Bianca Heath, told the Huffington Post about the time Lawson came to her and admitted that he had killed someone. “I’m sure no one else believed him either,” she said. “He laughed about the skeletal remains when telling the story on why he did what he did.”

Amber, who has been married to Puzuzu for five years, also has a 2009 record with the county for driving under the influence and driving while consuming.

She also goes on to say they were prostitutes and he had burned their flesh and ate some of the body parts. He then buried the rest.

The authorities have dubbed their home a crime scene. The neighbors describe their house as looking normal on the outside but such wasn’t the case. Online reports from the CCD says:

“His house is disgusting, his dogs piss all over the floor, drunk people piss on the floor, they poor beer all over the place and don’t clean it up…it’s crazy, as soon as you walk in it smells like rank old dog piss body odor, and feet. It looks so normal from the outside…except for the front door . Even from a distance, especially from the road, the jet-black-painted door seems like nothing but a void or a black hole. It doesn’t even look like there’s a door there, just a menacing hole left there to suck passersby in. Once you walk in, you immediately sense a very different kind of energy; it’s certainly dark, but not necessarily evil (IMO). Simply a very free, chaotic kind of liberating vibe–the kind of chaotic freedom that people not entirely in control can get carried away with, if anyone can possibly understand my meaning.”




Break in at the Dark Ridge Zoo, several reindeer missing

The Dark Ridge zoo has a famous christmas show every year. They parade reindeer dressed in their north pole finest through crowds of eager children and parents in a highly choreographed and includes a presentation by one of Santa’s very own elves in costume sharing all the secrets of life in the workshop and at the reindeer barn. This performance is geared to be more for entertainment purposes, but has been on the list of the Dark Ridge Dept of Education's top 5 education exhibits in town.

This year, however, the show will go on without the famous reindeer. Early this month, the zoo was broken into and 9 of the famous reindeer were stolen. Police say the guards on duty were tranquilized with elephant tranquilizer guns which caused internal hemorrhaging and loss of blood. The guards are currently in the ICU at Dark Ridge General Hospital recovering from the massive overdose. They are looking into the incident, they urge anyone with information on this incident to contact the crime stoppers hotline.


OPINIONS COLUMN

It’s December again.  For the rest of the country that means cold weather, frantic shopping, mall santas and mandatory office parties.  For us Dark Ridgers, it means one additional thing… the Kristmas Killer is back.  This guy has been at it for almost a decade, and if the last 8 years are any indication, the police are going to be as useful as ever.  So, I guess we’ll just have to be spectators for whatever bizarre ritual this psycho has cooked up this year.

Let’s review last year.  Seemingly random adults go missing.  Two a week all the way until Christmas Eve.  They then showed up, Christmas Day, completely exsanguinated through punctures in the neck.  Last year though, this weirdo stepped up his game.  He ripped out the canines from his victims and replaced them with sharpened candy canes.  Makes you wonder what weirdness he’s doing this year.  I for one plan on being smashed on eggnog when the victim list hits Christmas Day.



CLASSIFIEDS

Hunting Club
So you want to join a hunting club? The Crippled Coon wants you!
The Crippled Coon Dog Hunting Club is now accepting members for 2014/2015 Season!
Our club is a "Dog" Hunting Club in Dark Ridge, NC.

Missed Connection: Handsome ProLifer, it just won't work.

You were standing outside of the planned parenthood on Professional Drive. As I walked by you tried to hand me a flyer asking if I wanted "some information on Planned Parenthood." I declined your literature, but thanked you for your concern.

And may I say, you are one smokin' hot stud.

It makes me sad that it would never work between us. You wouldn't want me to have affordable, accessible birth control, and when you knocked me up because of it, you'd rather we bring a child into an unhealthy relationship that was obviously doomed from the start than allow me to purchase emergency contraceptives.

It's a shame though, because I know you were out there in the cold with your right to life sign believing in your heart that you were doing good. Problem is, all the people who work in that building you were standing in front of believe in their hearts that they're doing good too. And we'll never change one another's minds.

New Dawn Church of Salvation
(Large Ad, takes up a whole page with pictures of crosses, and good ol 'southern revival' imagery.)
At the top of the page is a banner ad that reads:
If You Die Tonight And God Asks,
"Why Should I Let You Into Heaven?"
What Will You Answer?

Below this banner, in smaller type, the advertisement continued:

The answer is looking into your eyes. The answer is Jesus Christ, who died for our sins and rose from the dead to make us God’s children. By His grace, we become a "new creation" (2 Corinthians 5:17) and our good deeds become pleasing to God (Revelation 19:Cool.

At the bottom of the ad, in huge letters reads "New Dawn Church of Salvation - Saving your soul, one soup kitchen at a time."

For sale: Disco Coffee Table

I'm 40 and I can't keep up with my disco coffee table anymore. I've aged, the table craves the unbridled power of youth. It keeps asking me to snort mounds of white powder off its mirrored surface, but my hangovers last too long. It wants a twenty something who can go on a Tuesday bender and still work the next day. It wants to reflect a parade of young, naked strangers in impossible positions night after night. My libido has faded and I crave a good night of sleep more than another one night stand. The table has a couple missing chunks of mirror. My decorator insists I'm too well-heeled to own such college like furniture and made me buy something from Restoration Hardware.

Disco Table needs a new home. A home where the party doesn't stop. A home where the neighbors are annoyed. A home where debauchery and bad decisions are the norm. A home where straws are cut short and a grinder is always on hand just in case. I need to know Disco Table will be passed on to somebody who thinks cardio means: the way a heart races after your medical insurance card is used to cut lines.

Let me know if you think you would be the right kind of owner for Disco Table. Dimensions: 66x36x17.

$20 if you pick him up. $50 and I'll bring him to you and help you put him in your living room.

Seekers of the truth
I invite you to seek the truth of past and future. Open your eyes to find the way.

Wiccan Family Temple
Spirit invites you to join us to worship the great goddess in our new home. The Wiccan Family Temple is now accepting membership, and we greet thee with open and loving arms. Please call 555-756-5234 for more information.
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Join date : 2014-03-28

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