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Dark Ridge Reporter, June 2014 Edition

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Dark Ridge Reporter, June 2014 Edition

Post by Admin on Wed Jun 11, 2014 8:41 pm

Dark Ridge News: June 2014

Scandal Rocks the Dark Ridge Political System.
Mayor Thoms, who recently began a campaign to clean up the streets and close down unsafe and unsavory locations is now the target of some serious scandal! An anonymous source delivered a tape to journalists throughout the city this week. On the tape, you can clearly see Mayor Thoms face as he sexually abuses a woman dressed like a catholic school girl, wearing pigtails and a stuffed animal backpack. The most appalling thing, and there are a number of things that would qualify, is when he called the woman by his 12 year old daughter’s name and insisted that she call him father. Police are trying to identify the woman in the tapes for a statement. If you have any information, please call our crime stoppers line at 555-555-2547.

Crime Stopper call to action
Vandalisms, B&E and Car theft has increased in the city in the past month. Police are asking for anyone who has any information about these crimes to please contact our Crime stoppers line at 555-555-2547, or call 9-1-1 if you witness a crime in progress.

Death in Seaside
The body of a woman was found in dumpster on Seaside Blvd. this evening.
The Victim, identified as Margelina DuChamps, 25, had a 4 year old son who is now in the custody of Child Protective Services until the next of kin can be identified.
Adding to the scandal, Mayor Thoms has been taken into custody as a suspect in the death of Ms. DuChamps, as she was identified as the woman from the sex tape that was released earlier this week.

Camerata Revival
An anonymous doner has sponsored a charity event to revitalize one of our cities oldest opera houses, The Camerata Opera House. Local celeb Anna Moura has backed the event which will bring high dollar clientele to the city. The Camerata Opera house was built in 1895 by W.P. Scuttle and Sons. It afforded the area a once a month entertainment foray that they were otherwise not accustomed to. John Robinson’s Circus came to town every year, but the Opera house provided a higher class of entertainment. The first production to grace the Camerata Opera house was Tomas Breton’s La Dolores.
The revitalization effort will bring jobs to the area as well as a revitalization of the theater and arts in the city. Once construction has finished on the opera house, there will be a live stage production for which auditions are currently open. For more information, visit the Opera House.

Seafood Festival
This weekend, head down to the seaside port for Dark Ridge’s annual Seafood Festival! Live catch fish, lobster, shrimp and crab will be available. Don’t forget to stop by the Crab Boil competition for your chance to sample some of the best crab dishes from our local chefs!

'Hattsenburg Hattery' closing
Dark Ridge’s antiquated hat makers Adina and Mica have made the announcement that they plan to retire and move to Florida. They are closing down their business and having a huge blowout sale. They will be liquidating all inventories over the next two weeks and anything remaining in stock after the blowout sale will be donated to the local Dark Ridge Veteran’s Society. If you were ever in need of a custom hat, now is the time as we saw Au-revoir to one of Dark Ridge’s historic businesses. Best of luck to Adina and Mica on their retirement and move to Florida.

Mayor Elections
Thanks to the incumbent Mayor's scandal, the current front-runner is Gloria Battles, a conservative, God-fearing, gun-carrying soccer mom whose campaign seems aimed at proving she embodies all of the values that are diametrically opposite of the recent scandal surrounding Mayor Thoms. Mrs. Battles is a dedicated attorney with the city D.A.'s office with an excellent track record at Criminal Law, a mother of three, a Sunday School teacher at United Methodist, and a card-carrying member of the local NRA.
Honorable mention, however, goes to dark horse candidate, Edward Dwyer, with his campaign to enrich the schools, build safer pedestrian areas near roadways, and boost the economy by supporting local business. Mr Dwyer's sudden jump in the polls may also be due in part to Mayor Jameson P Thoms's recent scandal, but it is surely also due to the almost absurd amount of last-minute campaigning being done by this new-comer to the Mayoral race and his obviously dedicated staff. If you are seeing this story after leaving your home, then you almost certainly had to travel past at least 3 signs with his name or face on it this morning. The City Beautification Board has successfully funded additional trucks to aid in daily sign removal throughout Dark Ridge, yet the signs and flyers keep cropping up each night.

Last edited by Carl Jordan on Wed Jun 11, 2014 9:13 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : mayoral story added. -CJ)

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